~PleasureShouldBeSin

Depressed + Me = Writing Time. . . Just Random Things. Prolly Me Ranting.
Current mood: blah
Category: Writing and Poetry

" I want to be perfect. But I know I can't." -Quoted By Me.

Have you ever sat in front of the computer. Just wanting to type. Anything. Everything.
Type away your thoughts and your feelings? But as you place your hands down on the keyboard, everything you felt and thought to type about, disappeared? Its happened to me many times.

But this is what i'm doing now.
Please feel free to skip this or go out of the page completely if you lack the interest in what i'm about to write. It's not completely happy, but yet not completely sad either.
I'm just typing how i feel.

Ok.

So I sit here, staring at the screen. I wonder why my life has to be so bleak. Why do I have to deal with the things I do. Sure it seems as if I have the life. But Deep Down, if people really knew me, they would know I don't. I love to help people with their problems, but I don't even know how to deal with mine. I love giving advise for relationships, and yet I personally can't even keep one. But does that make me a hypocrite?

Just because I dream of how it could be, of how people could really fall in love and mean it forever. Not just for a while. I wish that everyone was as lucky as they are in fairy tales. But I know that my wishes are denied. I want to see people happy, and to see them as far away from depression as possible. I would rather help them, then let them turn out like me.

Honestly, I can barely hold in what little I eat. If im not crying, i'm listening to music that's sad, or drawing a sad person. I don't Feel happiness anymore. As if it's been all sucked away. And I sit here wishing that something amazing would happen to me, but it doesn't.

Its hard for me to believe in real love anymore. Because i've been crushed so many times by its fakes. I've had many who say they love me, but they use it loosely. And most people do that now days. The meaning love, is no longer that strong word we use when we have truly found the one. It has been turned into a lie, something used to hurt people, to cover up true feelings, or to just be deceived by. When you use the word love, what do you really mean by it? If you don't REALLY love the person, then why say it? What's the use?

Sometimes I want to walk out my door and just scream out to the world. Scream out, " What Are You Really Doing With Your Life?" ask them, " Don't Be One To Hurt?". But would they really ever listen? Would I be wasting my time?

I tare myself apart trying to figure out if I could really make a difference. If I tried hard enough, maybe I could change the minds of the ones who are to bland to realize what they are doing to the ones surrounding them. If Maybe you just knew, how much damage the little actions you chose does to the rest of us.

A little thing like throwing a cigarette out the window, could start a fire that would destroy a million things some people love. Are you really that careless, to realize that?
A little thing like giving a homeless kid a toy, or some clothes to wear, could change that kids life for ever! But do you ever stop and help?
A little thing like caring about others around you even if they sometimes don't show it back, could set and example for someone. Did you think your couldn't change the mind of another?

People sometimes just don't realize the influence they have on the others who walk past them each and everyday. And they don't care to wonder, just what they could do to make this world a better place. Do you want to be that person? Or do you want to change our future, and the lives of our children to be?

Just a little thought, by me.

K.R.Jaynes.